We often find ourselves placing value in the wrong places—seeking validation from external sources instead of understanding the true source of our worth. This journey has been about identifying what I truly value, and for a long time, it was about seeking attention, either negatively or positively.

What Are You Really Valuing?
In our early life, we learn about our self-worth based on the reactions of those around us, especially our parents. A mother’s smile, or lack thereof, becomes a measure of our value. In one psychological experiment, a baby’s smile is met with a blank face from the mother. The baby tries everything to elicit a reaction because that smile validates its existence. We do this as adults, too—we search for validation from others, especially from those we love, to feel good about ourselves.

Why Do We Misplace Our Value?
In my life, I worked so hard to earn my mother's smile, only to see it diminish over time due to the pain she carried. I placed my value on others' approval instead of on my own worth. We all do this, often believing that we need someone else’s recognition to feel valuable. We seek approval and feel unworthy if it's not given. But this reliance on external validation can create resentment and exhaustion.

Boundaries vs. Validation
When we place value in external validation, we often disregard our boundaries. The key to self-love and personal growth is learning to place value on ourselves, not based on the approval or actions of others. When you place your value externally, you lose sight of your true worth.

The Misplaced Search for Love and Validation
I learned that love is not something to earn from others; it’s inherent within us. As a child, if we didn’t receive the love and validation we needed, we were conditioned to seek it outside of ourselves. It’s no wonder that we grow into adults seeking love, not knowing how to truly love ourselves first. We may become emotionally exhausted trying to find this validation, but the truth is, we are the source of our own worth.

How to Shift Your Focus and Realign Your Value
It starts with shifting your focus inward. Realign your values to come from within. Ask yourself: Are you relying on others’ opinions to validate your worth? The answer lies in how you perceive yourself. It’s time to stop seeking external validation and start valuing yourself as you are. Remember, your value isn’t determined by others; it's something you embody.

Final Thoughts: Your Value Is Always Within You
Your true worth is not up for negotiation or external approval. It is constant, unwavering, and always present within you. You are loved, you are valuable, and you have always been enough. Let go of the need for others to validate you. Stand firm in your own worth, and watch how it transforms the relationships you have with others.

Focus on valuing yourself, because when you truly see your worth, it changes everything. And when you stand in your power, others will respect your boundaries, and the love you give will flow freely, without needing to be reciprocated.

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