Today, let’s talk about something that’s been a big theme in my life: emotional shoplifting. And let me tell you, it’s a heartfelt, challenging topic.

I feel it ties deeply to unbelief. There’s a scripture in Mark 9:24 that says, “Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.”  That speaks to me on a profound level. I think those dark corners in us—those places where unbelief lingers—are begging for light. They crave attention. And when we shine light in those corners, we transform.

So, let’s unpack emotional shoplifting. At its core, it’s rooted in a lack of belief. It’s a lack of belief in your inherent worth, in how loved and valued you are. We spend so much time seeking validation from others, trying to feel seen, loved, and accepted by the people around us. But guess what? This only leads to profound loneliness. You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.

The Cycle of Giving to Get

In Blog 9, I touched on giving to get. That’s exactly what emotional shoplifting is—giving away parts of yourself, expecting to get something in return to fill the emotional void. It stems from childhood wounds, often from emotionally immature parents who couldn’t provide us with the love we craved. We were left trying to earn love, constantly seeking reassurance, trying to prove ourselves worthy.

I’ve been there. I would give and give and give, hoping it would make me feel fulfilled, hoping someone would finally show me that I matter, that I belong. But when you give and give to fill that void, you realize something crucial: you cannot fill that void with someone else’s validation. You can’t keep draining others’ emotional reserves and expect them to pour into your empty basket. It doesn’t work.

Breaking the Pattern of Shoplifting

Here’s the kicker: you are already loved. You belong. You don’t need to earn it. We all have the same intrinsic worth. But emotional shoplifting happens when you don’t believe this to be true about yourself. When you don’t recognize that love starts with you and radiates outward.

Let me get real here: it’s not anyone else’s job to tell you that you’re good enough. It’s your job. You are the one who needs to tell yourself how amazing you are. If you’re waiting for someone else to give you that reassurance, it’s never going to be enough. You’ll keep finding yourself empty.

The Codependency Trap

There was a time in my life when I thought, if I just show my mother how good I am at being a mom, maybe she’ll finally see me, maybe she’ll finally acknowledge my worth.

But that was my codependency talking. I thought if I showed her how much love and effort I was pouring into my kids, she would finally recognize me. But it didn’t work. I was trying to get something from her that she couldn’t give. It wasn’t that she didn’t love me—it was that she didn’t know how to express it.

I was chasing something that wasn’t being offered. And the truth is, I was emotionally shoplifting from her, hoping she would validate my worth. But that wasn’t her responsibility, and it wasn’t mine either. That was a game I had to stop playing.

Why You Should Stop Efforting

Where are you emotionally efforting in your life? Trying to prove your worth to someone who isn’t going to acknowledge it? Are you over-giving and expecting something in return? It could be from someone who just doesn’t have the capacity to offer it. They’re too caught up in their own struggles.

I used to do this with my mom—putting all my energy into making her see me, hoping she’d validate me. But it only left me feeling empty. Emotional shoplifting only drains you. It doesn’t give. When you give with expectations, you’re taking from yourself and not allowing true emotional reciprocity.

The Turning Point

When I started healing from this, I had to accept that I am already whole. I am already worthy. It was when I stopped seeking validation from others and started validating myself that I felt truly fulfilled. I learned to fill my own emotional cup.

You know what I did? I started loving myself the way I always hoped someone else would. I gave myself permission to be loved, to be seen, and to belong—without needing anyone to provide that for me. I became the source of my own emotional security.

Love as the Antidote

So, here’s the antidote for emotional shoplifting: assume you belong. Assume you are loved—deeply, fully, intimately. And you don’t need anyone else to prove that to you. You’re already whole.

When I took the responsibility for my emotional needs, I stopped emotionally shoplifting. I stopped needing to force love or recognition from others. And guess what? I became a much more whole person, and the love I gave was pure, without needing anything in return.

The Key to Real Healing

Emotional shoplifting isn’t about what others can give you. It’s about realizing that you are enough. It’s about knowing that you belong, not because someone else told you, but because you know it. When you heal the wounds that make you feel unloved, you stop trying to get what’s not being offered and start giving from a place of self-love.

What happens when you do that? Your light gets brighter. Your worth becomes so evident to you that you no longer seek validation from anyone else. You radiate love, and that love will naturally fill you up, without trying.

Takeaway

Stop emotionally shoplifting. Stop giving and expecting something in return. Give because you want to, and allow the love and belonging to come from within you.

When you own your worth, you’ll naturally attract the love and relationships you’ve always desired. Let go of the need to earn love and just be loved, starting with yourself.

Let your light shine and keep burning bright.

Note: You can access the full blog content in audio versions on Spotify and YouTube. Happy listening! 🎧 

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