Stop Hiding Parts of Yourself

The Weight of Shame

You know, for years I carried a deep-seated feeling of shame. I didn’t realize it at the time, but shame was a heavy, hidden companion. For me, and many of us, shame shows up most when we are around emotionally unhealthy people—those who manipulate, over-manage, or control us, leaving us feeling less-than. The truth is, there’s no shame in having had a difficult childhood, no shame in facing trauma, and no shame in acknowledging those parts of us.

I want to make this clear: you are not a victim of your past. I’ve had my struggles, sure, but they’ve led me to become who I am today. It’s my work to figure out how to navigate them. But here's the thing—I no longer want to hide those parts of me. I want to be open about my story, to be free from the shame that used to keep me silent.

The Need for Boundaries

I’ve learned that we only need boundaries when we’re around people who are emotionally unhealthy. These boundaries protect us from taking on the negative emotions of others, emotions that belong to them, not us. As children, many of us were trained to believe we had to manage the emotional well-being of those around us. And that’s how we became people-pleasers, codependents, always sacrificing our needs to make others happy.

But the truth is: you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness. You cannot be the sole source of someone else’s joy or contentment. Changing who you are to make someone else feel better will always deprive you of the life you were meant to live. You lose yourself in that dynamic.

The Damage of Hiding

When we hide our true selves, we lose something important. We hold parts of ourselves back because we’re worried about how others might react, what they might think of us. We allow their emotional immaturity to dictate how we show up in the world.

But here's the thing: When you hide, you miss out on living authentically. You hold space for other people’s disapproval and let it control you. When you start hiding, you’re essentially withholding your life force, your energy, and your gifts. You hold back from experiencing true joy because you’re so focused on making sure everyone around you is happy. But this is an impossible task, and it’s a never-ending cycle.

Breaking the Cycle

I want you to understand something: When we hide, we lose. But when we stop hiding, when we let go of the need to please others, we begin to live authentically. We can start making choices from a place of self-respect, self-love, and self-acceptance.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn is that I am not responsible for other people’s happiness. Once I stopped taking on that burden, I found a sense of freedom.

Self-expression is key to breaking this cycle. I get to be who I am without having to adjust myself to fit someone else’s needs or expectations.

A Personal Story of Hiding

Let me share a personal story with you. When I was growing up, I was constantly kept busy. My mom, emotionally disconnected due to her own struggles, often had me do chores or tasks to keep me out of her way. She had a scarcity mindset, a deep fear of not having enough, and that shaped how she treated us. She hid food from us, thinking that if she didn’t hide things, we would waste them.

This behavior wasn’t about us—it was about her own unresolved trauma. But it created a pattern where I started hiding things, too. I hid what I needed, what I wanted, and what I felt—because I didn’t want to be judged, criticized, or made to feel like I was wrong for having needs.

As an adult, I carried this into my own life. If I wanted to indulge, I would hide it from others. If I wanted to do something for myself, I’d feel guilty about it, like I didn’t have the right to enjoy downtime. I would do things I didn’t want to do, and hide the things I really needed or wanted for myself. That’s a trauma response.

Healing by Stopping the Hiding

But here’s the good news: healing starts when we stop hiding. We begin to express ourselves fully, without shame or fear. I had a moment recently when my husband walked in on me watching TV during the day. In the past, I would’ve hidden it, turning off the TV and pretending like I wasn’t enjoying my time. But this time, I welcomed him in, shared my joy with him, and laughed with him. It was small, but it was powerful.

By allowing ourselves to be fully present, we remove the mask. We stop hiding from the world, from ourselves, and from the people we love.

Creating a New Narrative

As I’ve learned, it’s not about being perfect—it’s about being real. I’ve realized that true healing comes from accepting myself and acknowledging my needs, even if it means disappointing others. We all have needs—emotional, physical, spiritual, and they deserve to be honored, not hidden.

The key is to let go of the fear of judgment. When I stop hiding, I start living more fully, and so do you. You are worthy of expressing yourself authentically, without worrying about how others will react. This is your life to live.

Takeaway

Here’s my challenge for you: Stop hiding. Take off the mask. Express yourself in the world with authenticity and confidence. Don’t worry about whether others will approve.

You are already enough. You have nothing to hide. When you stop hiding, you start healing.

And when you do this—when you let your light shine—you’ll find that the people who are meant to be in your life will be drawn to your truth.

If you'd like to explore this further or need assistance with breaking free from hiding, please email me at teresafordcoaching@gmail.com. Let’s take this journey together, and express our authentic selves!

Note: You can access the full blog content in audio versions on Spotify and YouTube. Happy listening! 🎧

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